25 June
Think it;
Want it;
Dream it.
andy
ben
ilyana
joshua
JQ
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I can feel the laziness in every single bone of mine.
Went to St James to club yesterday. Stupid night, or rather stupid day. Was doing project in the afternoon, then met with alot of problems. Stupid fucked up project. Never even eat lunch, hungry like no mother. Rushed home to do my e-learning but still never manage to complete all. Only did investment quiz (which was like anyhow and I failed). There goes my credit management marks. T_T & I only had maggi mee for dinner. How pathetic.
Rushed out of the house at about 9.40pm to meet clinton at st james. Shirlyn arrived shortly after. Then somehow in the club, someone come find trouble with clinton, almost fight, then police come and whatnot. Zzz. How suay can today get. After the problem was settled, can’t go back and club anymore cos clinton also can’t go back in. That was about 3am? Called byonghee and he refused to pick up. Until more than half an hour later. Best la you.
Don’t know why I meet so many weird people yesterday. First was that stupid drunk guy and gang, then someone said I remind him of his MOTHER, then another person said I was reptilian. Wtf! And as usual, the jy come kpkb me again. Keep forcing me go his house, still scold me somemore. How unreasonable la wth. Go other people house unsafe, then go your house very safe meh. =.= Talk also don’t know how to make sense. Just only know how to keep forcing people to go your house sleep. Today still dare to come send me one longlong msg. Sorry la, but those kinda talks ain’t gna work with me. You said I’m playing with your feelings? Ha. So be it. Now that I’m through with you, you can fuckoff now lor. Ya I’m the meanest person on earth. Took you long enough to realise that. I’m not worthy of your (how great and noble) love.
Shit. And I don’t know why you betrayed me. There you are asking for my trust and on the other hand you betrayed me. Hah, thanks alot for that. Right, I hope nothing happens to you though.
Dawn seemed to arrive unexpectedly quick. I wasn’t really drunk but was kinda high. Then the stupid bh keep making me more high. Ha! Gotcha. & you thought I was drunk. Looks like you’re the naive one too. ((x
Lastly, Clarice lost her pearl necklace that her mum gave her. Fuck it. She almost lost geofrey2. x.x
i never needed your corrections;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:12 AM
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Oh shit, its already Wednesday and I haven’t done anything yet! And shit again, my stocks are losing money! Damn. Shouldn’t have invested in capitalland!
Clarice looked at the clear blue sky today. No matter where we are, we’re all still under the same blue sky. I wish I could be the sky, so I could watch over you all the time. But who would be my sky?
I want to know what you’re doing. I want to know if you’re fine. I want to know what makes you tick. And everything about you.
way back into love;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:02 PM
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Where’d you go, I miss you so. Seems like its been forever that you’ve been gone.
I wonder what you’re doing now, I wonder what you’re doing all the time.
i’ve gotta keep you out of my mind;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 7:38 PM
Shaggged. Today I had driving lesson, learnt U-turn this time. Okay, I suck at it. Booked my auto car lesson in Dec. Went back home, played audition for awhile, then went for cca le.
Had sparring today. Damn, I hate shadow sparring with junior belts cos they don’t know how to control their power. I got punched and it hurts. Cb, my nehneh la. Stupid guy.
Discussed about AGM during dinner. Shit, have to prepare for AGM before 30th December. WTH, there isn’t any suitable candidates. HOW?! Are we not suppose to step down and go on like this?! I vote for half half. Will have to start seriously thinking about who is suitable. I doubt my worries are unfounded. There is hardly anyone who is fucking committed enough to take my place. I can’t rest in peace if I hand over to any of them. Leadership skills leadership skills~ Time to take it out and show them who’s boss.
CCA aside, its e-learning week. And you know how much I hate e-learning. They give you a whole bunch of crap to do. Fuck it. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do lah. Argh. I hate those postings on MEL the most. Why oh why.
Clarice had better start catching up and studying for her exams. Besides treasury, I think I know nuts about my modules (once again, like always). Damn, I was supposed to work hard and pull up my GPA this sem. Come on clarice, you have to do it. Get your lazy ass up and start working.
Oh, first, I need to clear my room.
Fucking stop procrastinating;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:31 AM
Sunday, November 22, 2009
He broke my geofrey’s ear! :’(
And I’m terribly upset!! My geofreyyyyyyyyy :’( Sob! </3
what’s lost will never come back;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:31 AM
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Shirlyn says she’s gna treat me to buffet. <3 yay. Hahaha I shall source for one.
The day you went away
Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming about you baby, you were dreaming of me
Call me crazy call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey, so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
I remember date and time
September twenty second Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
Well hey, so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away (x3)
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do
Well hey, so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away (x3)
Haha, I have nothing to write. I’ve been rotting at home the whole day today! Bathe, dinner, going out soon. Till then [:
爱我没有如果;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:47 PM
One week have passed since. It was really a crazy week, I agree. Like, so many things happened. Omg. Then now, it seems like things have changed!
Today school ended at 1. Ate lunch in school, went for a tan, then rushed for driving lessons. And damn, I was late. Guess whatttt. Stupid driving lesson, kena that shuai ge instructor again. Omgggg. I was JUST thinking what if it’s that young guy again, and ITS REALLY HIM. I think I’m psychic or something. I just couldn’t concentrate la! The whole time keep making mistakes! Drive like shit liddat. Ohmygoodness. He wear that stupid bigbig spects, make me see already keep wanting to laugh. Then he keep asking me smile smile smile, say I make a lot of mistakes but he don’t dare tell me. LOL WTF. Heng that one hour was over in no time. I was like, PHEW.
Went home to wait for clinton to end work. Ate dinner, then went over to vivo to meet him at about 8plus. I bought a geofrey! How adorable! <33 Mouth itchy, so we went to look for some light snacks. Went downstairs to buy the potato thingy, then the girl there was being friendly. Say we couple or something. Then she said clinton short. HAHA.
Now here’s the climax. Coincidentally, I saw jianyi/alvin/some ___ ___ girl coming down the escalator. You should have seen the look on his face man, was like 经典 man! ROFLMAO.
Took a bus to clarke quay, but couldn’t find the stupid fashion bar. It ran away la! We ended up at MAMA’s carribean bar. Not a bad place, but the drinks are not cheap man. Drank the 6 shots of sexonthebeach and kamikaze. <3 The whiskey sucks. Clinton kept losing, so he had to drink. Wahaha. And the flaming lamborghini not shiok enough la! Didn’t burn the throat one. Left the bar at 12plus and took a cab home.
You may think that I suck, but listen up dude. You’re no better. I find your actions really funny man. Stop going on and on like you’re some saint/preacher and like as if you know and understand everything about me. He said I went to drink because I was jealous?! Wtf jealous over WHAT?! Joke of the century. Since I suck, then stay away from me. IDC, like seriously. Women’s instincts are very accurate. If you think I didn’t know, then let me tell you. I felt it long ago and it’s very obvious because it is not the first time I’ve been through this and guys are ALL the SAME. Period.
colours of the rainbow;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:39 AM
Friday, November 20, 2009
I have the urge to do TWO THINGS.
ONE: Go clubbing
TWO: Spar
Yes, should I next week?
Stamina seems to be improving. Uh huh. NJD was fun today. Crapped at the market during dinner. Went home to complete project but realised cynthia done it already. Don’t know what’s left for me. So I guess I can sleep now.
Oh, and Paranormal Activity is a fucking stupid show. Trust me, it is. I want to watch Amelia! And next week is elearning week! Sian TTM.
Clarice needs to
1) Clear her room
2) Get back my thumbdrive
3) Suntan
4) Play stocks
5) Watch movies
6) Go clubbing!
Haha okay, thats it. Good night world.
Trust, faith, love;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:45 AM
Why must you do this to me?
Thats why I never had the faith in relationships anymore. It isn’t all about trust is it? It’s stupidity.
[♥ clarice] danced at 2:08 PM
OMG phew, what a relieve. I almost thought I lost my iPhone. Stupid byonghee. Cannot reply faster meh. Don’t know what you’re doing all the time.
iPhone’s aside, here’s the main topic. Today, I read everything in his phone. Okay, everything that was meant to be sent to me but he didn’t cause he was hesitating. Didn’t really have much thoughts after reading it though.
Hah, to think it’s actually coming from him. Feels kinda weird actually. Hmm. I don’t wna go on and on about love everyday. Until I believe in it, nothing is gonna change. Who will have the patience to make me believe in love? I wonder.
I’m so fucking tired now. Still have to do treasury tutorials. My sunburn hurts like hell. Omg. Will I become darker. =/
selfishness;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:04 AM
Wow, its been a week since I blogged. I wonder what I have been doing for the past week.
Now let me touch on FRIDAY THE 13th.
It was just like any other normal day. School ended, went to Al Azhar for lunch with cynthia, hazel and byonghee. It was raining cats and dogs. Therefore, byonghee sent hazel and I home. After he dropped me off, I decided to take a stroll in the rain. Haven’t done that for a long time. It felt so nice, really. [:
When I got home, he suddenly sent me a msg that was so weird. And after that, he went MIA. Yes, MIA. I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT I JUST HAVE THIS VERY BAD FEELING. AND IT WON’T GO AWAY. I felt damn uneasy. Opened my barcardi and started drinking. Then I went out in the rain again for the second time. This time, the feeling was totally different ; depressing.
I just couldn’t keep still. My heart just felt so heavy. I couldn’t stay home anymore. Got the permission to stay out, then decided to meet up with clinton. I want to go clubbing, I want to drink. But it was too damn early, so we went to kbox @ cineleisure. Fun. Now what’s next? Clubbing? We did head over to Vivo, but we didn’t end up in st james. We ended up in a cab, destination? Bishan.
I didn’t wna go but clinton kept asking me to. I didn’t wna hurt him. I knew if I went, he would bound to get hurt. I ended up giving in. Guess what? In the cab, byonghee replied. Fuck. Mixed feelings, relieve, anger, confused. I stood at his void deck, wondering what I should do next. Should I look for him? Or should I leave. I just felt like being alone. I’m sorry clinton, thanks for your hug.
“你明明知道他不会自杀，但你还这么关心他”
I felt very stupid, and angry at myself. I let clinton leave. What was I doing?! Why was I so worried?! Afterall, clinton was the one who was always there no matter what. Clinton was the one who was a phone call away. Yet I still hurt him like that. I’m really really sorry.
I suddenly felt the chill in my heart. I’m cold, and freezing out in the rain. And there’s noone there. I needed a hug, I needed someone to warm me. But there’s noone there. Hah, I only have myself to blame. It was me, it was me who chased everyone away. It was me who decided to build up this wall and isolate myself from the world. It was me, who brought this upon myself. Ever since I came back from shanghai, I broke away from jy, broke away from samuel. I just didn’t know how to handle love, thus I made the decision to leave. I never bothered explaining why, I just left. Now I’m stranded all alone, but who am I to complain? I thought I was strong, but still, I’m not made of iron. It hurts, deep inside it hurts. You’re not the only one. I’m hurting too. But I shouldn’t be in love. Yeah, come on. Leave, everyone leave. All the things I love ended up leaving. That’s why I never dared to love again. That’s why now I rather push everyone away from me. I dared not let things get too deep.
Sometimes, looking back, I miss who I was in the past. Someone who had the courage to love. It was always nice to have someone who’s always there for you. The feeling of being in love, the sweet nothings, the moments where two would be lost in their own world. I long for it. But sometimes, when you give up the world for someone, and when that someone leaves, you’d be left with nothing. There’s nothing in me anymore, nothing left. It’s just dark, cold and lonely within these four walls.
Byonghee came to look for me, we went back to his house. Idk why I couldn’t stay mad at him. There was so many things I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to ask, yet I didn’t. That night, it felt so weird. Although I was lying just right beside you, you still felt so far away. You always do.
Clarice is afraid of death. Not upon myself but upon others. Death is so scary it just takes someone away from you, forever. Thank God you’re safe.
who can break down my walls;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 5:03 PM
Sunday, November 8, 2009
JAILBREAK.
WOooohoooo. Now I’m lazy to do my tutorials. Nooo. Chongkekweng tmr, plus the stupid cfas mod. Arghhhhhh. I want to sleeeeep. :[
gambatte!
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:31 PM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Went to school today as usual. Clinton came to NP to find me after school. Took 154 to payalebar for lunch. Their food court suddenly got Astons (okay, maybe I too long never go). Decided to try their food. Ate salmon fillet. It was okay luh, the mash potato nice! <3 Haha.
After lunch, we walked back to my house. Took yukio out for a walk and he vomited! :[ must be anyhow eat rubbish againnnnnn. Brought him back home, took my holga, went out to lomo. But didn’t really have the lomo mood leh. Stupid byonghee, take so long to reply. Never tell me what time meet where. Ended up wandering around kembangan. Took like a few hours to settle on a place and time. 9pm, at kallang leisure park (of all places!)
Clinton accompanied me to kallang, reached early so we walked about waiting for byonghee to arrive. Finally spotted a green stripey jacket in the transparent lift. Lawl. Bade goodbye to clinton, then headed to the cinema. We were gna watch MJ’s this is it. Asked him to watch the 11.40pm show. Big mistake. Now we got 2hours40minutes to kill. Should have caught the earlier show so I can do something else later. Dumb. Spent the 2hours40minutes walking around, frolicking, talking nonsense, getting caught in a jam, getting lost, rushing back……
The show was not bad. I just loved the way MJ and his dancers danced. Fucking cool. I so wna be a dancer. It’s so sad, he spent so much effort to prepare for his concert, but it wasn’t held in the end. The whole crew must be heartbroken. The king of pop.
Movie ended at about 1.30am. Byonghee sent me home after the movie. Bathed, prepared the music, and started drinking. Don’t ask me what happened after that.
哭过就好了， 痛都会走的;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 3:27 AM
I never needed your corrections,
On everything, from how I act, to what I say,
I never needed words,
I never needed hurts,
I never needed you to be there every day,
I'm sorry for the way I let go,
Of everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated,
I know that next to you is not where I belong,
And it's a little late for explanations,
There isn't anything that you can do,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So you will listen when I say
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.
No more words, no more lies, no more crying
No more pain, no more hurt, no more trying
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:17 PM
Monday, November 2, 2009
I don’t know why I keep thinking about you, when I’m not supposed to.
stop running through my head;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 4:28 PM
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Woo. I just woke up not long ago. Hahaha. Went home at about 6.30 today morning, then slept till 5.30pm. Lucky no hangoverrrrr. (x
What a crazy halloween night. So pissing. Cab all the way to st james, then it was so fucking crowded. [At first, we wanted to go to zouk, but there was noone we knew at zouk!] Clinton was supposed to wait for his friend, but the queue too long. So we decided to change location : Clarke Quay. After a long while, we ended up at lunar. Was already feeling so pissed (plus the lousy mood I was in thanks to someone). Vincent and gang were already there, drinking. His stupid friends keep asking me to drink. Pour the martell pure gimme drink. Considering the stupid mood I was in, I drank it gladly (in hopes of getting drunk). Martell pure wasn’t that bad. HA. Then jason went to buy 4 cups of tequila pop, and he said that I wanted it. I said tequila SHOT stupid. Tequila pop must kok on the table. LOL. Anyway drank 2 cups of it and found it was rather nice. :D Felt like I was drinking a lot. Damn, my liver. But I still wasn’t dead drunk, still knew what I was doing. And yes I remember that I kissed you. Woops. There, that’s what you get for being short right. Lol.
Clubbing ended at 5. Went to 7-11 to buy food and eat. Eat finish go home sleep. And there, halloween ended. Damn fucking tired man. Oh, I was supposed to go church. Oops. Heh.
Noone’s homeee. They all went to visit some relative and mum said I didn’t have to go. Good, just what I wanted. Clarice is gna chill in front of her TV and eat cheetos now. <3
P.S. Omg. I just thought of what byonghee told me yesterday. And I wonder if it’s true. What made him decide to tell me that anyway?! Btw, certain things he said yesterday suddenly made me feel kinda moodless. Why.
there are moments when I don’t know if it’s real,
or if anybody feels the way I feel;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 7:07 PM