25 June
Think it;
Want it;
Dream it.
andy
ben
ilyana
joshua
JQ
basecodes
headers
picture
colour codes
我想知道他说过的话是什么意思。 我想知道他所有没对我说的话。我想知道我错过了什么。今天，我很不开心。我发觉，我一道在掩盖我自己的感觉，推开我的忧郁，来为我的沉默找出借口。可是实际上，它们还在，它们并没有消失啊。
只不过是我自己，一直都在欺骗我自己。
我不想面对任何人；
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 9:47 PM
Those words kept hounding my memories, running through my head. I think about it before I go to sleep, I think about it when I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to think about it but images just keep flashing through my mind.
She lost it this time. She knows what she must do. Can she do it? She doesn’t care what he thinks of her. She must keep her focus. She really hopes she’s exchanging all these for happiness.
Not hers.
If you miss the train I’m on, you will know that I am gone.
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.
l’amour toujours;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:53 PM
THINGS I’M ENJOYING NOW:
1) THE WAY WE ARE NOW
2) RANDOM MOVIES AND DRAMAS
3) YUKIO <3
4) TIME SPENT WITH HIM
5) SITTING ON THE SOFA AT THE BALCONY
6) SINGING MY LUNGS OUT
7) SLEEPING IN MY COLD BUT COZY BED
I’m ready to step out. Really. I’m willing to try. Have the patience to help me please. I have a sudden craving for cake. Idk why. I just wna eat cake! Like, just buy a big cake a dig into it. Wheee. Sian. I think I’m starting to get slacker in cca alrdy. But, it’s sucha pain to wear spects to cca. Shall just wait for my eyes to heal.
It’s really hard to come to a decision. Apparently there are 3 paths I can take now. Where should I head? I know no matter which path I choose, I mustn’t look back and regret. It’s still sad, though.
hang on;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:13 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
こんにちは!
The house across the street
It was my first day in this new neighbourhood. Everything looked so foreign and strange. I decided to go exploring. I locked my gate and shouted goodbye to my mother. As I turned my head, I noticed the pretty little house across the street.
The house across the street looked like a Victorian dollhouse. The ceramic roof was blue in colour, set upon pure white walls. Smooth and lacey velvet curtains draped the long glass windows. The house had a garden that grew cheery yellow sunflowers, surrounded by low white fences.
Anyway, I was getting some corn chips out of the vending machine down the road and someone came up and said “You’re it!” and ran away.
“What a weird neighbourhood.” I thought to myself. I stepped aside to allow the guy behind me to have his go at the vending machine. I studied him closely. Copper brown hair with an out-of-bed look, blue eyes, tanned skin, baggy pants, skater shoes.
Without thinking, I tapped on his shoulder and said, “You’re it!” and I ran back home.
Let the rain fall down, I’m coming clean.
I like you the way you are
When we're driving in your car.
And you're talking to me one on one,
But you've become, somebody else around everyone else
You're watching your back, like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me.
you promised me I'm never gna find you fake it;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:10 PM
Fuck you all man.
You’re the one who pushed me here. You’re the one who brought me to this state. Now I’m trying very hard to pick myself up. What do you want?! What the fuck do you want from me!
You’re the one who built this wall. You’re the one who froze my heart. Yeah, I need help. I’m mentally ill. Is it my fault now?! Do you think I wish to be like that?! Fuck you. Seriously. I’d be more than grateful if you’d just leave me alone.
It’s not like I asked for this. It’s not like I threw myself into this pit. This is your doing, your piece of artwork now. This is the result of your insanity. The worst and most fucked up thing is, you don’t see it.
its not like i dont wna come out;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:56 AM
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sigh. Shirlyn’s not going to church again tmr. Life is getting pretty boring nowadays. Don’t really feel like myself these days. Wonder what’s happening. It’s like I’m controlling someone else’s body, going through someone else’s motions, living someone else’s life…
Nothing much happened today. Went to the same old place to get some fresh air. Looks like I don’t have much perseverance to stay there anymore. Left earlier than my intended stay. Rotted in front of the TV for the rest of the day, watching 4 episodes of somerandomshow while devouring junk food. Wasn’t really enthusiastic about dinner but ate it anyhow.
The night is still and quiet. I knew I could count on the stars, the vast sky and the fresh air to provide me the solace I could do with. This feeling, often unspeakable, the peace within myself. Don’t forget to breathe.
out in the balcony;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:19 PM
Here’s a toast to the moments when you realise the simple things are wonderful and enough. [:
Now I’ve come to realise how stupid I’ve always been. Well it’s time to wake up. I should have seen all those signs. Feels like I’m always the last to know too. Everything he said yesterday really woke me up. It’s not the first time. I guess I should stop being stupid. I won’t stay in range for his blade to cut me anymore. Though I’m bleeding now, but I believe that these wounds will heal over time. And it’s up to myself to make it heal. If there be any prescription for my wounds, I suppose its happiness. I need to stay happy, and keep my mind off unhappy things. No more denial, I’d face whatever comes.
Differences could keep people apart, so can similarities. Since we’re both not that very normal, it’s hard. It’s like, how can you heal others when you can’t even heal yourself? Things will be better this way. Yes it will.
Learning to pick myself up again.
Went for my eye checkup today. Doctor says I’ve been wearing my lenses too much, and there are cuts on the surface of my eyes. That’s why I’ve been having blurred vision. Sigh. I’m banned from contact lenses. Damn. Must be those nights when I kept sleeping with lenses on. Argh.
After that, I went for CCA (when I very well know I shouldn’t). Yes I went for CCA despite my super blur vision and high sensitivity to light. The stupid eyedrops to dilate the pupils caused that ._. I wanted to go for CCA, I had to let it out somewhere.
Campus run killed me. My mind was in a blank, I just kept on running and running and running. Till my surroundings suddenly got so blur and the sun was blinding me. Got to spar today. Which was just what I needed. Now (I just noticed) my hand dnowtfhappened got one spot of internal bleeding and plenty of red lines. O.O wth.
Towards the end of training, shipei popped out with a cake. Oh, JQ’s birthday. So we stopped training early to eat cake :D Every cake comes with a cake fight, and I was the first to kena. –.-
Now I’m glad I went for CCA. It did keep my mind occupied for awhile. Oh I’m back to blogging boring stuff. But today’s page had nothing much. Formal to school tmr. Sian. I feel the urge of clubbing again. It’s friday tmr. Fuck it.
Note to myself: Breathe
you do whatever you want;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:05 AM
The silent hills
A zephyr passed.
She stood still
Let time stop.
The old house
Now all worn down
Her memories aroused.
I wish I could turn back time. But I guess that defeats the purpose of life.
Today’s driving was not bad~ Though it was really slow paced due to the high demand and low supply of parking lots. Thought I’d get to touch on parallel parking but I didn’t. Ohwells. No school tmr, but gotta do project at NLB with waiming. Zzz, I seriously hate projects.
At least there’s something to look forward to tmr! [: honey flavoured corn tidbits! <3! :D I’m gna sleep now. Early right. Yes, compared to the past few days. Lights out.
caught in the middle;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:20 AM
Its maintenance day!
I reckon all relationships are like machines, they require maintenance once in a while. If left alone for too long, it might just rust and break down. It’s just that, there’s no manual for relationship maintenance. No one can actually teach you how to do it because every connection is different and only you know best how your wires connect.
I’ll enjoy life the way it is now. Taking things one step at a time. I still believe things that will happen will surely happen. So, just let it be! Persevere clarice persevere! It will be over soon enough. I’m tougher than life!
Still feeling quite worn out today, though I didn’t do much at CCA. There weren’t much people today, so training wasn’t kinda proper. Learnt most of kata and swinging the freaking heavy pole. End of training was f up because of all the punishments. Now my hands are aching. 70 push-ups and 30 squad jumps wtf. Yay, got my red belt today. :D
i dont want to be a factor;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:49 AM
Monday, January 18, 2010
perhaps,
Lovers are a pair of parallel lines that meet.
Maybe everyone are parallel lines to begin with. Friends are the lines around you, walking and going on with you till the end. Then lovers, would be a pair of parallel lines that meet. It takes a miracle for two parallel lines to meet. And that miracle is love.
BUT. Love is only enough to bring two parallel lines together. When two becomes one, it’d take so much more for that line to go on.
perhaps;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:29 AM
How beautiful it is to do nothing, then rest afterward.
Hmm, there’s nothing really much to write about for today. What various relationships do I have with my hair?! I love my hair!
Here’s to all the people who have kept me from hitting the ground. <3!
Shit, school ends at 1 tmr. Argh. CCA AT SIX WTF. That like five hours! Nooo. D: Crap. Fuck, don’t know who’s that irritating overseas number that keeps calling and hanging. What the fuck is his problem?!
“I think the effect is getting less and less. I used to be very affected, but I realised its fading away. Again and again and again, till I’m numbed. I ask myself if I still have the strength to carry on. Yes, I do. But the thread is breaking…”
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
who can i trust;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:39 PM
I just thought I should blog. But then again, without the Al-Manac now, I can’t. Okay, I can. But I don’t feel like. Bored of writing the everyday stuff in here.
Just wna qiang diao, that I can’t fucking remember anything last night. After the last cup of tequila.
Right. I will be back when I have the Al-Manac. :D
after you missed the first chance, it gets dangerous;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 3:48 PM
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sometimes I feel that its so fake. Who I see and who you really are seem to be a total different person. Are you really who I think you are?
[♥ clarice] danced at 7:17 PM
Maggie Mae goes to the hair sa… wait. Who the hell is Maggie Mae?!
Half bitter half sweet
Mix it into chocolate
The feeling of love
Today is boring. Went to church in the morning as usual. Came back home and slept. So fucking tired. I don’t wna go for familydinner. I have to rush my CM project. Guess I’m staying home. Just as well.
1) PROJECTS
2) PARENTS
3) ATTITUDE KIDS
4) LACK OF TIME
5) LOVE
SO THERE! I release that energy and focus it on something more joy-filled. HA HA HA.
here’s to this beautiful planet;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:20 PM
The space between
”You’re leaving!” cried Alice.”
”You know I have to, baby.” He looked deeply into her eyes.
”I don’t want you to.”
”I’ll always be here, won’t I?” he said, as he placed his hand gently over her heart.
She smiled. There’s nothing she can do. No matter how tough life would be without him, she’ll have to make it through. Three years, she wonders. How big would the space be between them then? Will their love be strong enough to close this gap?
He kisses her for the last time. “I love you, baby.” he whispered before he turned and left.
She watched as his back faded into the crowd. A teardrop streaked down her cheek. “Goodbye.” she mumbled.
Action is the antidote to despair.
watching the sky, yukio, icecream, clubbing, sparring, rollercoasters, friends, music, corncorn, sugarspiceandeverythingnice :D
Its dotty day!
A line is a dot that went for a walk. :]
savasana;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:57 PM
Happy birthday to Elvis Presley! It’s national bubble bath day. [: Hahaha.
Easy come, easy go.
So very appropriate. This should be the way life is. Easy come, easy go. I guess this way, people would be happier. Things that are out of your control, just let it be. We can’t force things to happen, and not everything will go the way we want. Things that don’t go your way, just let it go. And be happy. (:
But, if only people could find it easier to let go.
Edge of Reality
I think guys are weird, as much as they think girls are weird. Maybe I should say humans are weird. I can’t really tell what’s true and what’s not anymore. I don’t know who to believe. Should I, or should I not?
Come to think of it, maybe I should start studying for my EOS exams now. HA HA, very unlike me, but yes. I’d thought it’ll do me some good. I should try to start, really.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, it doesn’t go away.
echoes of love;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:08 PM
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy 2010! :)
hope its gna be a good year ahead.
[♥ clarice] danced at 5:06 PM