25 June
Think it;
Want it;
Dream it.
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OPERATION DEAD.CRAZY
28th February 2010, Sunday 7.40pm
Since this is the last week to enjoy, yes it has gotta be dead crazy. And yesterday would be DAY ONE.
Yesterday was supposed to be a pretty boring day. Went to bugis and dhoby in the early noon to do stuff. Rushed back home to rush to my cousin’s house at pasir ris. As usual had dinner, talk cock but there wasn’t much to do. Decided to give myself an excuse to leave, so I popped by algean’s friend’s chalet. Being the anti-social me like always, I think I was being mean. ;x Looking at them reminded me of the past, where we used to have chalets so often. It was so fun back then, hanging around with this bunch of jokers. Now everyone’s split up. Things will never be the same again.
Here’s the exciting part. At another part of Singapore, Shirlyn was feeling bored watching TITANIC at home. After much discussion, clubbing wasn’t quite feasible so it’s gna be sleepover partaye at my house instead. How long since we had a sleepover. Hahaha. After my bath, we prepared the alcohol, music and we’re all set for our first mission.
Blackjack, poker, random silly card games, we were practically going insane within the confinement of my room. Not to mention all the party animals that were going crazy with us. ;D HAHA. We didn’t drink much, maybe it’s not the alcohol, it’s probably just the two of us. And POOR SHIRLYN CMI. Slept at 4.30am.
3 hours later, my mother turned my doorknob and we were reluctantly dragged out of bed to church. And IDK WHY my leg hurts like hell. Crap. Today wasn’t crazy, but here’s the highlights.
1) TEA in church
2) Attempt to book last minute practical lesson @ UBI (PHAIL)
3) HOME for lunch, nua-ing, and to take Ms. Forgetful’s handphone
4) Check out dance classes
5) HOME again to sleep at balcony with Pu Ngeow
6) Steamboat
Thinking about Tuesday is killing me. Seriously depends on luck. May lady luck be with me on that day.
You made my february special.
growing up;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:57 PM
I wouldn’t exactly call today fruitful. I had so many things on my to-do list but I didn’t accomplish even half of it. Because, I didn’t have the mood to. Got up at 2pm today and I knew I was late. Had to go to school to personally hand in CCA pts form to siow because he doesn’t clear his emails. And then, someone had to just kill my mood for no apparent reason, leaving me hanging in midair wondering what the fuck happened.
Rushed to school only to prove myself right that siow isn’t at his table. Now cross my fingers and hope that you guys will get your cca points because it may be too late. I haven’t even been able to talk to him about the performance at all.
Asked around to see who was free and only shipei was. So we decided to watch a movie. Took a bus to marina square, reached at 7.15pm when we were supposed to meet at 8pm. Wandered around and I happen to chance upon this familiar looking place near ritz carlton. I’ve been here years ago, memories. After shipei arrived, we stupidly tried our luck at those clawy machines filled with stuffed toys while waiting for our movie. Our attempts weren’t futile and we both got a bear each. HA HA. On a side note, the robot was hilarious, like really hilarious.
From Paris with love was not bad. Some show about terrorists and government’s spies. After eating the cheesy pasta, I realised that was the only thing I ate today. Right. Talk about being moodless. You don’t even feel hungry. Fcuk it.
Do people really think that you can make a mistake, apologize and then walk away like nothing’s happened? Can sorry make up for the hurt caused, dismiss the pain and erase the memory? Talk about sorry being the hardest word. No, sorry is probably the easiest way to save yourself from a mistake made, and not quite effective. Of course, I’m not saying that it is not necessary. I guess sorry is only meaningful the first time, not when the blunder repeats and thereafter. Sorry is nothing but a word ; a word that I’m sick of hearing.
Case closed.
Victor Hugo said, “Be a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings.”
I’m perched on a frail branch singing away, but I’m skeptical about my wings. I’m starting to doubt my own ability to love. What will happen if the branch breaks?
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
~Johnny Cash
i warned you before, you didn’t take me seriously;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:40 AM
Most people are carrying the burden of the past, anticipating the future, while missing life in the present.
Today seemed pretty mundane. Woke up at almost 2pm today. Feels great to not need to snooze and snooze and then drag yourself outta bed. [: Received an sms from my mum saying that MPH @ Raffles City is having renovation sales. Headed down there in the evening to check it out. Only bought two books. Books were randomly placed on all the shelves, mixed up with no sorting whatsoever. Damn hard to find books.
Walked over to marina square for dinner. Billy Bombers. Full like no mother. I have no inspiration to write anything today. I’m still waiting for shirlyn’s reply. Where is she.
Dear clarice,
Stand strong, like us. We’re there despite rain or shine. We can’t hide, cause we’ve got our roots firmly attached to the ground. You can choose to hide, but your roots are attached to reality and it won’t go away. Facing even the strongest of winds and rains, we’re only allowed to sway. But we know, that there’ll always be sunshine after rain. We always need the rain, before we can truly appreciate the warmth of the sun. Remember and be thankful for your sunshine 5% more each day. Face the rain bravely when it comes. Because you know when it does, your sunshine is never far away.
with love,
the trees of nature
Okay that’s stupid. I was bored. Journal Juju today was let nature write me a letter of confidence. Can’t believe I did it.
I want to travel the world someday. Visiting all the wonders of the world. Nature. Different cultures, historical places, delicious food. My dream. Someday.
melt into the present;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:41 AM
8 examples of saying “No.” I’d love to but…
1. I want to spend more time with my blender.
2. I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
3. I’m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
4. I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it.
5. I’m doing door-to-door for static cling.
6. My crayons all melted together.
The great escape
Now that exams are over, I can finally escape. Stray from the real world and sneak into my own world for a bit. Spend quality time there, roam, get lost, get found, whatever. Take this one and a half week’s time, to relax all I can before attachment starts. Attachment’s burned off all my holidays so I better treasure this one and a half weeks. So many things, so little time.
I guess I really must say “no” to certain things to make sure I don’t try to do too much and get on the wrong track. This reminds me of “YES MAN”. Still got many things I want to try though. Yes cuz, ballroom dancing. Let’s go. I’m serious.
Just came back from orchard, kinda done in. Algean and I went there to meet up with yang and andy. Ate KFC for dinner, unhealthy damn. Yawns. I wonder what I shall do tomorrow.
想起你的微笑这画面
段战几年，放在心里面
你说过的永远留在昨天
就当它是我最美的纪念。
greater escaped;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:50 AM
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
One really has to beware of politics in poly, if you know what I mean. Probably also karma. What goes around comes around.
Today’s paper made me realise CFAS is a fucking easy module. Lazy me didn’t practise, so I hope I got those calculations right. x.x
And YES. MY MOOD NOW IS AS HIGH AS THE HEAVENS. Okay stupid expression. But still, it’s finally over lah! Apologies to my dear yukio, for ignoring you for the past week because I’ve been so busy with exams. Don’t think that I don’t love you anymore okay. ;X
What the fuck am I doing at home at a time like this?
woopeeedooo;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:54 PM
I’m unexpectedly and surprisingly calm. My mind is somewhere else now. Please, don’t do this to me, not now. Not at this crucial moment. It’s not time to let my guard down yet.
until now its stupid;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 2:00 AM
HELLLOOHHS (:
It’s IV tmrrrr. Apparently I still don’t understand what I’m studying. Makes me think of him again, don’t know why I suddenly got reminded of him but yeah I just did. I wonder what… Nvm. Stop wondering and get back to studying.
I swear I’m gna go crazy after the exams. I just can’t keep still, can I. ;X
Hope tmr’s paper is gna be an easy one. Likewise for the next paper and that’s it! I wna visit the damn dogfarm that I’ve wanted to visit ever since centuries ago. And then I want to go shopping. And suntanning, and eat buffets, iceskate, dance, swim, read, play, the list goes on. Okay, don’t get too excited now. Exam’s in 14 hours time. Raah.
You said love is just a state of mind.
puppy love;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:30 AM
That’s it. I SCREWED MY CM PAPER. Felt like the worst paper I’ve ever sat for in my life. Out of 4 questions, I could only secure ONE. Yes ONE. Wtf. And wasn’t really that secured. I just cross my fingers and hope I can manage with a C. No, please don’t fail.
I’m tired, physically, mentally. Slept for only 3 fucking hours this morning. Now I’ve gotta start worrying about IV and CFAS. Great. Just two more papers and it’s over. I’m halfway done.
I feel like a failure. Sem after sem I told myself not to let history repeat itself, but apparently sure doesn’t feel like I’ve succeeded. I probably need to sit down and think about life. Set my goals and priorities right. Plus the need for time management. Well, at least I know I won’t be studying for the next 6 months.
Talking about goals and priorities, there are still so many things on my list waiting to be done. But I just can’t seem to squeeze time out to accomplish them. Time to get get organized! And, with my attachment income, there’s no need to go nuts about the financials part.
Being sick of guys, relationships and whatnot, I’ve sort of wandered around aimlessly for the past year. Having totally lost confidence in relationships, I never really felt like being in one anymore. Then I kinda started to miss the feeling… Life is really unpredictable. I never thought I would settle down, not that soon at least. Commitment is probably one of the most important thing to sustain a relationship and that’s the whole issue. I hate making commitments.
Now I’m gna try, to bring back who I really am. Just for once. I’ll stay that way if everything is fine.
Years later, you look back at your life and ask yourself, what have you been doing? Will you answer that question with regrets, or otherwise?
hunt for my soul;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:52 PM
Party’s over, time to start on those books that have been collecting dust on my table.
What a crazy weekend. Clubbed on Friday, St james as usual. Probably due to CNY, it was packed like saturday late nights. Didn’t quite drink alot, thus didn’t really have much mood for clubbing. Was still fun though. John came to fetch shirlyn home after clubbing ended. Algean, kj and me headed off to eat. Crapped about almost everything. Guys like them are really very innocent, naive, and immature in a sense. I used to detest such people, until I met someone that changed everything. Now, I think I’m appreciating such people more. There is one thing I’ve learnt from these simple minded people, that is the way they seek happiness.
Slept through most of the Saturday afternoon cause I was so freaking tired. Apparently I didn’t sleep for the whole night and only reached home about 10plus next morning. Reunion dinner at night, nothing much.
CHU 1
More people than I expected actually came to visit. Bored like hell rotting and home, plastering a fake smile on my face every time someone arrives. Hopped over to shirlyn’s house about 4plus. Came up with a stupid plan to watch movie together, so we booked tickets online. 14 Blades, 12.05am. Another late night out. Went home for another steamboat dinner, then went out at 10.15pm. Took a bus to plazasg with shirlyn, went to collect our movie tickets, then we split up. What happened afterwards was so damn stupid and was something to laugh about. I wonder if they really believed us. HA HA.
CHU 2
As usual, today would be visiting mum’s side. Realised it’s been damn long since we last gathered. Mahjong, blackjack, sotongballs and nonsense. At night, the younger ones planned to go drinking and I was invited along. I wasn’t really that close to them as they were older than me but I tagged along anyway. It was the first time us cousins gathered for a drink. And it was crazy. We settled down at some pub near arab street. Started off with a bottle of martell. Then beer. Played crazy drinking games, then ordered wine. Then beer, then wine, then…. Neverending. Fucking crazy combination. Out of the 7 of us, 2 died. HA! And all the guys lost to me in caiquan. Owned. Reached home about 3am and I was already half dead.
Time to get serious now. Exam on Friday and I barely started. Think I’m so dead. How about the rest of the exams?! Nothing seems to be going in. Must adjust my body back to studying mood again. Boring.
i can’t wait;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:30 PM
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wtf. Sony Ericsson’s battery life sucks?! My phone’s only a few months old and now the battery’s alrdy dying. It can barely even last for a day! The Satio isn’t a very good phone to begin with. So many technical glitches, lagging all the time, and it has hanged several times already. Still, the camera is something worthy of praise. And I won’t regret buying this phone. I’ll love all my technologies. <3
Talking about technologies, it’s Thomas Edison’s birthday today. Inventor of 1200 patents including the light bulb and telephone!
The stars shine down.
From way up high.
Little light bulbs in the sky.
Shining from the doorsteps of
Tranquil souls once alive.
Tomorrow’s my appointment with the eye doctor again. These two weeks seems to have passed so fast. I hope I can wear contacts again. Today’s time was spent mostly on sleeping instead of studying. =.= Sigh. If there’s a prize for procrastinating, I’m bound to win the first. CNY is just round the corner, but it ain’t anything to be happy about. No new year clothes this year, no new year celebration either. Just a simple family gathering. Very much looking forward to the end of exams. Yes yes, it hasn’t even started. Now, will alcohol worsen cough?
failure pushes you forward;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 10:53 PM
Dieeeee. I didn’t study again today! Went out with jy in the afternoon, went to JP fish&co to eat lunch! He don’t let me eat fried, so eat grilled lorzxs. Then someone comeee buy me antelope drink?! Taste so weird!? But nvm la, filled with lovee righttt <3! Didn’t do much at JP also, walk around look at notebooks only. I wnaaa buyyyyy. Why soooo exxxx. :[ Left JP at 5.40pm, fell asleep in jy’s car. Felt like forever man the car ride. I reached home at 7.15pm lah wtf! Stupid accident caused a traffic jam! Blah.
Bathe finish liao also like no mood to study. Aiyah, nowadays with this kinda situation, who would have the mood to study? My cough is getting worse omggg. I hate sorethroats and coughs because you can’t sing with eeet. D: Boohoohoo.
Haha, pon zi cartoons are so cute! Lawler skate. I LOVE YOU. Enjoy life enjoy life enjoy life. Today is umbrella day ;)
my name is;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:50 PM
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I get it now.. I didn’t get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible.. and enjoying everything in between.
Hmmm. Yes. (:
________________________________________________________________________________
I opened my eyes. Sunlight poured through the window. I dragged myself out of bed and stepped into the shower. I could feel the sting on my wrist.
I had no plans today, so I decided to take a walk. Oh how I love fresh air. The weather was perfect today.
________________________________________________________________________________
Shit I can’t go on.
Anyway, this is like so cuteee. Hahaha. I ought to start studying. Damn it. I can’t understand wtf I’m studying. Diee!
dragmeout;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:43 PM
Monday, February 8, 2010
I was stretched out on my sofa. Chips and soda were strewn all over the table. My eyes were glued to the television but I was hardly absorbing anything. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell.
“Oh, what are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom. We had a big argument. I slapped him. He pushed me onto the bed.
Hours later, I sat on my bed in a daze. I was shivering and tired from crying. I lit a cigarette and took a deep breath. The penknife on my table caught my eye. Without much thought, I walked towards it.
My skin split apart and blood oozed out. Each cut got deeper and I didn’t quite stop until there were more than 10 lines on my wrist. Funny how it didn’t hurt at all. I laid on the floor wondering if it was real, if I were real.
Then I realised I was hurting. Deep inside I was. So badly. I closed my eyes. “How do you mend a broken heart?”
shadows of death;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 1:04 AM
Friday, February 5, 2010
Love works a different way in different minds, the fool it enlightens and the wise it blinds.
Today last jap classsss. Kinda sad. Jap class ended so early today. Cos I’m the first for the stupid oral test. ._. Had to wait all the way till 5. Lucky weihao accompanied me. Accompanied him to eat, then we went to play taboo. Ya wth. Full of nonsense only. Laugh like no mother. Haven’t laughed like that for awhile. (: We were actually late for briefing. Lol. Stupid briefing felt like a pure waste of time though. And yay, citibank rly got no interview. Hoohoo. The bus ride home felt damn fucking long. Traffic jam. Plus two stupid sec school girls, keep chattering all the way. Noisy. I just can’t seem to get started on anything. Omg wtf is wrong with me. =.= Please Clarice, do it please.
There's nothing left to say
Don't waste another day
Just you and me tonight
Everything will be okay
If it's alright with you then it's alright with me
Baby let's take this time let's make new memories.
Imma addicted to this song. <3 There are so many ways to mend a broken heart. Everyone would have their own different ways to go about doing it. What would mine be? If only it was as simple as stitches and plasters. I remember the type of relief I’d get from slitting my wrist. Some people think it’s stupid and don’t see the point of it. But to me it really does seem to help. It’s merely my form of, relieving the emotional pain in me maybe? Nowadays, so many a times I was so tempted to do it. I’ve been holding myself back I guess. Late into the darkest nights, just me and my knife. Don’t, provoke me.
I can’t believe my blog actually has so many months of archives. Can’t believe I’m actually blogging either. It’s like, so not me lah? I always thought blogging was stupid. Ohwells. Think I got too much feelings recently uh. Good for me.
happy sad happy sad happy?;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:44 AM
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Lmao. That was damn childish. =.= WIN. Lol at you siol. HAHAHA.
AYE! 神神秘秘的！搞什么！Hmmmm. o.O I’ll find out soon! ><
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:07 AM
Everything that you meant to me, is written in the pages of my history. But it’s over now, as far as I can see. And suddenly, things are so different now you’re gone. I thought it’d be easy now what’s wrong.
“Your boyfriend drives also right?”
”No?”
”Rides?”
”No..”
”Take bus with you?”
”Uhhh n..”
”Taxi? Train?”
”No no wait.. what boyfriend?”
I’ve been lazing around at home these few days doing nothing. Watched another random movie today. I woke up so darn early in the morning for driving. It’s getting easier ;D Oh yes it is. Been on my bed for hours since. Think it’s time I should get up. I should start treasuring time. 2 years is a long time. But I’ll be thankful for whatever I have now. Things will get better. Good things fall apart so that better things can fall in place.
What would it be like in that six months? I guess I’ll never know. Humans are amazing. The way we think, the way we act, how complex our minds can be. I still want to eat cake. Okay, that was random but. Life would be boring if it was following routines everyday, doing things serious and proper all the time.
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
i want to live;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 6:56 PM
如果你真喜欢一个人，那么好坏都会照单全收，不会计较。
两个人在一起不容易。要试试多欣赏对方的优点，接受对方的缺点，遇到什么问题就要心平气和的决绝。
“我想做天空，因为不管你在哪儿我都可以守护着你。”
今天的日落好美丽。看着蓝色的天空，让我想起了好多事情，让我想起了你。有时候，真的是放手了才会得到幸福。人生除了爱情还有很多美好的东西。今天的我，再也不是昨天的我。而你，也成为了我脑海中一幅美丽的回忆。
someone who loves me for who i am;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 2:53 AM
明天，以后，爱变成了问候
爱不爱都痛；我以为我懂
最后你要自由
忘了温柔要套在手中
到最后； 该不该回头
如果我开口，爱继续往前走
幸福听著分开的藉口
他是一个可以不回头的人。我相信他。
Fairy tales will always be fairy tales. They don’t happen in real life. (:
Reached school at 8.30am today to prepare for CFAS presentation. Damn fucking tired due to the stupid project last night. Screw those who did not contribute and are happily sleeping away. After the presentation, I felt like it was a total waste of effort. The look on the teacher’s face gave me the feeling that we didn’t do anything right at all. Not the least bit feeling a sense of achievement. Was supposed to go out after presentation but didn’t cos cynthia wasn’t free. Stayed back in school for awhile to tie up the loose ends of our project. Decided to mark some of our group members down. Went home after that and fell asleep on the balcony sofa. Lovely. [: Got a haircut today. Price increase due to CNY, wth. =.= Anyway no more schoool, so I’m offf to drink!
“你知道为什么我跟你在一起的时候我没抽烟吗？因为我开心。”
The easier it is to acquire something, the less you will cherish it. And, sometimes I really hate the way humans love to assume.
easy to start hard to end, indeed;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 11:36 PM
我现在的心情非常沉重。不知道是什么绑住了我的心？有很多要说的话，却不能把字拼出来。就因为他那么的了解我，我想挽回他。这次是认真的吧。他一直都说我没尽力的去挽留他，不过我确实是认为他放手了会更开心。因为他似乎很简单的就能找出一万个离开我的理由。我想，如果他有足够的理由留下来的话，他不会提出分离。可能我真的不明白他的想法吧，他也永远不会明白我的。我们两，想说的话，永远都寄不到对方的世界。
我终于等到今天了。其实很久以前，我早就应该料到会有今天吧。虽然很希望我们还是朋友，但是我明白。或许，这是我唯一能为你做的事。看来，我好像给你带来了很多不积极的东西。知道我以后不会了，你应该感到很安慰吧！你一定要快乐哦。
我喜欢
你温暖的拥抱
看到你的笑容
你温柔的声音
你和我的相似
你给过我无数的安慰
就这五样东西吧！我会永远记住的。在我回忆里，只会流着最完美，最美好的我们。谢谢你。永别了。
Nobody can foresee the future, nobody can tell what will happen tomorrow. Some may depend on fate, but can one really accept everything that fate has in store for him?
looking back, i smiled;
clarice
[♥ clarice] danced at 12:24 AM