Recently, this thought has been reoccurring in my head. Furthering my studies overseas. At one point of time in my life, I didn’t quite like that idea. I would miss my best friend, the silly things we’d do together, my life here.

Now, it seems like there’s nothing holding me back anymore. Over the years, things and people change. Sad to say, I’m disappointed by the way things are right now. Friends, family. Maybe it’d be a good idea to leave this place for awhile ; to live a different life somewhere else ; away from everyone and everything here.

Two or three years later, or maybe even four, I’d come back to find that everything’s changed. For the better perhaps. Maybe, I fall in love with life there, and not come back anymore. Just maybe.

School has started, time to get busy. I should probably start packing my room (like few decades ago). I think I should just throw everything away since I can’t find places to keep them. Screw it.

but boy won’t i miss you;
clarice

I’m confused, bewildered. My soul’s hardly in me these days. What’s next, I kept asking myself. I just, can’t figure it out. Why?

She’s acting normally. How much longer can I take this? This pretence, this facade. I have to keep my cool, just like what she’s doing now. Somehow, the fact that she’s thinking tells me that there’s step two. Something’s brewing, but what. What, does she have up her sleeves. I can’t figure out the reason behind these. I wonder how long has this been going on and what made it start?

I’m gna have to plan my next move, consider causes and effect, pros and cons. Yeah, it may sound stupid ; but this might be my chance. After all, I’ve been there, done that and I’m not gna let self-pity take over.

This, is like fighting a battle in the dark. You don’t know when your opponent’s gna attack until you get hit. But getting hit once doesn’t mean I’ve lost. Because my opponent can’t see me either. I’m gna lie low, for now. Sometimes retreating doesn’t mean that you’re a coward. It just gives you more time to think, fighting blindly isn’t gna work.

I’ll always remember what he told me, about always being there for me. I’ll face it bravely, no more denials, no more lies. No matter what the outcome is, at least I can tell myself that I’ve tried, I’ve struggled, I’ve fought.

silent resilience;
clarice

As the countdown gets lower and lower, I’m day by day nearer to school reopen. Somehow, I’m really dreading it this time. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been studying for more than 8 months. I don’t know if I can handle it now. How to fit everything into my schedule. Time to pull up my socks this sem, my last sem in NP. But I don’t wna give up on my dance. I wonder if I can cope. Dance, CCA, savin the weekends for him, where can I find time for myself? Whatever it is, whatever it takes, I’m gna see myself through. Because winners never quit. And quitters never win.

Missed reggae last thursday, gna catch up on it tmr. And last hiphop class this sat. Time flies. Omg, print more money for hiphop3?! Urgh, financial crisis. My internship pay is like, looong gone?! I need, to stop spending. The task of finding a job has been buried under my procrastination until I’m only left with two weeks. Great.

I’d better be treasuring these two weeks. Time is so precious to me now. I understand that, because time with you, is barely enough. Barely enough to keep me going.

to make you stay;
clarice