Who else but me, would be the best person to understand this. The lack of communication cost me my happy family and a normal life. After all these years, why would I not understand where keeping quiet is going to lead us?

All of these years spent trying to act strong, facing every single problem, big or small, all alone. No matter how many times I tripped and fell, no matter how hurt or injured I was, I had to get back up on my feet all by myself. I didn’t allow myself to cry, didn’t allow myself to fall apart in front of them. Look where we are right now? It’s not that I wanted things to be this way..

Thinking back.. I don’t remember how we got here either. I don’t know when it started, but we stopped talking. I started building a wall around myself, didn’t wna let anyone in. I don’t talk to people, I don’t tell anyone anything.

If it were me in the past, I wouldn’t have said so much to you. I would have chose to be quiet and kept everything to myself. No matter what you say, I wouldn’t be spilling all these out. But I want our relationship to work out, I don’t wna destroy it. I don’t wna be a live repetition of my family all over again. You were the one who made me promise that we should speak out whatever’s in our minds. That’s why I’m trying so hard to change, to be a better me for you. If you didn’t know, it actually takes a lot of effort to speak my heart out. Sounds stupid, but for someone who has kept quiet for so many years? It’s become a habit, and I lost the ability to express myself freely. It would definitely have been easier to keep everything to myself, trust me.

I’m trying so hard to crawl out of my shell, but you’re not helping. You don’t practice what you preach.

That strong girl whom everyone knew would make it through the worst, she might be crying alone every night.

That fearless girl who dares to do anything, she was so afraid to fall in love.

That independent girl who didn’t need a man, sometimes all she wished for was to seek comfort in somebody’s arms.

That girl who never backed down, she’s been played, hurt and betrayed but she never gives up. She’s stronger now.

Girls, we all deserve better?
If they want us, they’re going to have to fight for us, because if they don’t, we’re gna find someone so much better than them. Someone that actually deserves us, someone that makes us look at them and wonder why didn’t they appear in our lives earlier.

Guys sometimes just have this amazing ability to make us girls feel like crap. We over think everything he does, while he plays it off like no big deal. We’re clueless to his act, and it ends up hurting us because we care too much. And when we start to cause too much drama? They make it seem like it’s our fault. They break our hearts, tear our worlds apart, but we never learn our lessons.

Well, it’s not that we don’t learn our lessons. It’s because we never give up hope. We’re always hoping. Hoping that he’ll change, hoping that he’s different, hoping for a miracle, hoping for love. Everyone of us has got to the point of trying to convince ourselves that we don’t give a fuck, but deep down inside we know we’re still secretly hoping.

Hoping for something that will make us believe again, something that makes us want to put our hearts out there, something that makes us learn how to say “I love you” all over again.

And so they say,

“You should tell them the truth. Tell them that if they hold on too tightly, love might cut them. Tell them to hold on tightly anyway. Tell them everything is worth it and that the richness of life is only ever enhanced by its inevitable, brief flashes of sadness and loss.”

Is everything worth it?

You know what is the difference between promises and memories?
We break promises, whereas memories break us.

All that snow has melted, all that used to be has changed.

It’s something to get used to. It’s time to stop caring. Will there be a day when I’d be numb, and nothing is gna hurt me so easily because I forgot how to feel?

Don’t be mad cause I said I don't give a fuck. Be mad because I once did and you were too blind to see it.