So much for sorting out my thoughts and trying so hard to think of what to say. At the end of the day, he didn’t really listen. And I still stumbled on my words, in front of you. I think I suck at speech.

I don’t know why I tried so hard, and did so many things for this relationship which ended up in naught. I used to be a person who could just walk away so easily if I wanted to. But now it seems like I’m so stubborn, and because of that, made the same big mistake three times in the past few months. Felt like it was wrong of me to make you stay. I wouldn’t call it a mistake. At least I didn’t regret what I did, because I did what I had to do.

Why didn’t he tell me earlier that he didn’t have feelings anymore? Why did he have me trying so hard like a fool? Time and time again whenever something went wrong, I tried so hard to make it right. But to you, you just gave it all up. Where were all the promises about never to stop trying? Everything you said in the past doesn’t count anymore. If I didn’t cherish you, why would I even bother to keep persuading you to stay? How could you say such words. I can’t get rid of this stinging pain inside of me. It is just so abrupt.

Perhaps it’s because of my bad communication skills that led to our downfall. Because I never really knew how to express what I truly felt inside of me. Everytime when we quarrel, your tone… just feels like you detest me, you bear a grudge against me. When I tried to sort things out, you never used your calm soothing tone to talk to me. There were always spikes in your tone. Until we put an end to the issue, then I could hear that loving voice of yours. It’s like you can become another person within a split second. No matter what happened between us, I still love you and my feelings have never once faded. And that’s what kept me going on.

I always believed, that somewhere inside of you, there is this person who knows how to love, this person who isn’t that mean after all. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.

Giving up easily is definitely not me, but sometimes we are forced by the circumstances around us. I miss you, and I wonder if you miss me too. Maybe you don’t, maybe you found someone new, maybe you found a new life, maybe… I know I made a promise to always be here and never leave you no matter what. I never forgot that promise. But I can’t keep it if I’m not allowed to.

Can you walk away from me so easily? If you could, teach me how.

I’m sorry boy. All the best.