Saturday, April 27, 2013

It's 3.34am in the morning. Friday night went by just like that. Yeah, although this is a critical period for me. If that's the case, then I should be sleeping by now. Why on earth am I still awake? I'm starving. Is that why? Probably yes, and no.

I think somewhere in this complex mind of mine, things are getting quite screwed up. There is no words to explain the complexity of how uncountable wires connect inside my brain. Therefore, there are times when I feel like there's something wrong, but there's just noway that I can pinpoint what it is. That's why I get frustrated and fed up with myself. I constantly hear this familiar little voice inside of me rambling repeatedly, "What is wrong with me?". And many a time I can't find any answers that would satisfy this inner companion of mine.

I guess that's partly the reason why people always get this typical and somewhat habitual respond when they throw me the same question ; "What's wrong?". "Nothing."

I ought to stop wasting my time doing stupid things. I need to learn to let things go. Sometimes when things don't turn out like how I expected it, I get too disappointed. I should learn to take things easy, and let go when necessary. In this aspect, I am unhappy with myself, and I'm still learning.



[♥ clarice] danced at 4:06 AM

Monday, April 22, 2013

 

Sometimes, I think about you. And I miss you. There’s always this strong reassuring comfort when I’m by your side, even until now. Whenever I’m feeling down, just being by your side soothes me. We only talk once in awhile, but I still feel that close to you. Everytime we say goodbye, there’s this little bit of sadness because I don’t know when I’d see you again. You’ve changed, for the better. We’re good like that, but this won’t last forever. Sometimes, I think I miss you a little too much.

♥

[♥ clarice] danced at 12:07 AM

Sunday, April 21, 2013

为什么我总是那么爱哭？虽然知道这些眼泪根本就没用。想哭的时候只能一个人躲起来哭，因为我不想让他们看到我的软弱，我不想让他们觉得我只会哭。所以我一直在每个人的面前装坚强，希望装着装着，有一天会变成真的。

THE IRONY

当我躲起来哭的时候，我不得不觉得好寂寞，好孤独。就似乎在那一刹那，这世界只剩下我一个人；而这种感觉是一种说不出的痛。真的很痛很痛。

I’m afraid I can’t take this anymore. I’m almost on the verge of breaking down and even my closest of kin ain’t doing anything to make things better. In fact, they just make everything worse. Do they even understand how serious I am about dance? Have they ever supported me? Other than those “don’t neglect your studies” words, what else have they given me?

Why do I have to be in the middle of all their arguments? Why don’t they practice what they preach? Why are they losing their temper at me for things that they themselves do?

They say that I don’t understand. But how do they know that? Why do they just assume things of me, and point fingers at me when they don’t even understand me? I hate it. I hate people who do that. I hate people who assume everything.

It always voice down to this issue about money. But what the fuck, because since when have I ever asked you for a single cent? Give you a budget? Why not you give me your budget? Because you’re paying for all these means you have to make everyone unhappy about it and do it your way? If that’s the case then don’t bother talking to me please. I never ever asked for a single cent more. If you’re willing to set aside 8k for me, then 8k shall be it. If you’re willing to set aside 2k for me then 2k shall be it. I never asked for $2001. Whatever I want, I’ll work for it myself. Whatever I want, I’ll use my own means to get it. Even if I want that golden door, I’ll fucking get it without your money! So shut the fuck up and don’t assume that I don’t spare a thought for our current condition.

Have you ever listened to me with your heart?

You have never ever done that, because if you did, you would have heard my desperate silent pleas throughout these years. You never did.

[♥ clarice] danced at 11:29 PM