I’m back, after wasting two whole days not studying at all. That was a pretty stupid move. But before I go back to my books, guess I’ll stop by to upload some thoughts first. I felt like there’s a need to do some writing therapy and at the same time keep my mental self in check.

What is on my mind?
You know, my intuitions are quite accurate. That’s why I rely on them a lot. And intuition tells me that things are already starting to change. I don’t feel as close and connected to you anymore. Perhaps I only have myself to blame. That I keep pushing you away when I’m in my worst state of mind. And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that you’ll get sick and tired of seeing me in my worst state, and one day disappear because of that. That’s where all my insecurities are coming from. Because I'm already starting to feel that you’re not as patient with me anymore.

It feels like we’re losing the spark. And you behave so nonchalantly. Maybe because of what I said, you feel like you can’t do anything about it.

I’m sorry I don’t wanna be this way. I’ll work towards being a stronger, happier and more independent girl from now on. I won’t let anyone take away my happiness, I won’t depend my happiness on others anymore. I’ll take charge of my own happiness, and hopefully, I’ll break through.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.”