Who would have expected this day to come, after 14 long years of friendship. I have. In fact, deep down in my heart, I knew this day was inevitable.

Last night as I lay awake in bed, the realization of everything sinks in. This is worse than I imagined. It’s as if all my senses, every single cell in my body, neurons in my brain, functioned a hundred percent more efficiently than they usually would. I felt that wretchedness so clearly, and all the other emotions that I have been putting away so conveniently ; every single one of them came crashing down on me. I writhed as tiny little droplets started to fall.

I sat by the playground and lit a cigarette. I stared at the swings we used to play on and I could almost see the silhouettes of the young us, our carefree laughter resonating in my head..

I miss us.

Reality seeps in and it got through my head that “us” do not exist anymore. And then I told myself, all these has to stop. There a choice lies ahead of me, and I decided that, I am going to lose you. Yes this was a choice for me but not an easy one for sure. It took me a few years to make this decision.

Yes, let me be the bad person. Let me be the one who couldn’t care less about our friendship. Let me be the one who makes this whole friendship a one sided thing. Because for the past two years I have been trying hard to let go, trying hard not to care. So forsake this friendship because of the fact that I am a bad friend who is not worth keeping. It’s tiring to be your friend. It’s tiring to cry alone at night, thinking about how close we used to be. It’s tiring to keep trying to forget how you weren’t there for me during my dark days. It’s tiring to hear you call me your best friend when your actions prove otherwise.

So it all ends here. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good friend for you.