{danceinastorm}

Anchor / Strength

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Been 5 days since I've landed in Auckland. 5000 miles away from home, the weather's cold but the chill in my heart feels colder. I really pray for the strength to do this all alone because you are not able to be my anchor. I start to wonder where this would lead us, and if this whole thing is just gonna be a huge waste of time, effort and resources. Till date, I still can't see or feel that you're serious about anything. I'm not really sure if you're in this with me at all. We've been stuck here for quite a long time, not going anywhere at all. I wish we could actually go somewhere, even if it's the wrong direction. At least we're going somewhere.

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Live life with no regrets. I can always remember him telling me that, I remember how it is engraved onto his arm, and I remember how he always lives by that. No regrets... I have the sudden urge to talk to you, to ask you how you were doing, to ask you why we became strangers. I searched for your name online and saw a little news about you. You were doing well. I knew you would. I'm happy for you. I guess you're busy, I guess you chose to leave us behind. And if anything, you wouldn't have any regrets for doing that. So I should respect that and just leave us in my memory instead. You come to mind often, I would get reminded of all the good times we had, of how we could talk about anything under the sun. I missed the quirky conversations about life we held while tipsy, laughing through the wispy smoke of our cigarettes..

Perhaps I have met you at the wrong time.

[♥ clarice] danced at 8:52 PM

Tick Tock

Thursday, November 2, 2017

2am in the morning, 2 Nov 2017 ; I cannot explain how surreal this feels right now. Just one year ago I signed up for the NZ working holiday visa, and in 3 days time, I'd be leaving on a plane to NZ, away from the comfort of my home for one year.

It sounds really exciting yes, but honestly (as usual being me) I'm also really scared. Staring at my NZ map filled with scribbles and post-it notes, I suddenly felt so overwhelmed by all the things I wanna do. Apart from taking in all the awesome scenery, I am embarking on this journey to self heal. All the anxiety and lingering issues from the past that's haunting me, I really hope I can learn to let it all go. To see the bigger world out there, gain new perspectives and become emotionally stronger.

One year isn't exactly long or short. I believe one year there will fly past like a breeze and I need to constantly remind myself to make full use of every single day.

Whatever it is, I really hope that I will be able to achieve all that I aim to in the upcoming year. And whatever obstacles I may face, I will overcome it bravely.

& may everything at home go smoothly and stay that way till my return.

[♥ clarice] danced at 2:12 AM