{danceinastorm}

My favourite what if

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Nothing happened, and that is where our problem begins.

When we met, there was something. An untapped well of feelings, full of potential to be exactly what we both wanted.

Neither of us made the move. We left the well right where we stood, untapped and full of potential, and we went in our separate ways and lived our lives without knowing.

But you will always be my favorite what if.

I still think about you.

Sometimes it’s daily and sometimes I will go weeks without you even crossing my mind. The thoughts always come back, because there are so many could have beens.

What if you had told me that you were interested? Would I have accepted it without question? What if I had told you that I was interested? Would you have accepted it? Would we be happy now?

What if it had gone poorly? What if you weren’t interested in me and I’d had my heart broken? Would I still think about you as much as I do?

You will always be my favorite what if.

Credits: https://puckermob.com/moblog/youll-always-be-my-favorite-what-if/

[♥ clarice] danced at 1:58 AM

Never once fulfilled.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

One more mistake and I'll leave. Lol. It has already been the 12479859898239th mistake since you said that. Nope, you're still HIDING somewhere in my house. Lmao.

When will this kid ever face up to the consequences? Never.

[♥ clarice] danced at 6:56 PM

I don't get it.

Honestly I don't get it. Why are you even trying to sit somewhere in my house where I cannot see you, when I already asked you to scram. Are you like, pretending you have left?? Or what's the point of even sitting there if you're not even doing anything at all? Are you still hoping to leech onto me and my family somemore? Are you that shameless really? Despite how nice my mum has treated you and cooked for you, and you and your mum just freaking treat me like some garbage in your house, we never even asked for anything in return. Just to be treated like a normal human being at least when I visit.

You honestly still dare to shamelessly stay here. Like what's your problem? Are you really trying to sit there, do nothing, hope a miracle will fall from the sky, avoid me and hope the problem goes away then you come out of your hiding place??? Or wtf is your intention I really don't get it?????

But probably that's you ain't it. Avoiding. Pretending. Waiting. Being passive. Hoping all the problems will just go away on it's own without you having to do anything at all? Yeah. That's you. One minute apologizing saying you'll change, next minute hiding back in your turtle shell being the same old coward. Lol.

That's why nothing will ever change. Joke.

[♥ clarice] danced at 6:53 PM

Vicious Cycle

No food >> Depression >> Fuck this shit I don't wanna eat >> No Food >> Depression

Pretty much me, but pretty much 6 years with someone who doesn't give a fuck about anything = I don't even know what makes you tick

The vicious cycle.

[♥ clarice] danced at 6:47 PM

Backwards

Saturday, January 5, 2019

This is really what I call, moving backward, back to square one. After 6 years down the road, it all ended up back to square one. Nothing has changed, literally nothing, except maybe the cloth has become a pair of slippers now. Is this actually becoming worse instead? Lol, no idea. But it's really none of my business anymore. If nothing is gonna change, then I will just have to avoid it.

Other couples can just visit each other's house freely. But mine, lol. I don't even want to think about it.来你家玩？Lol. 玩什么？你没想过为什么没有人喜欢来meh？Feel so dumb going to someone's house and get treated like some germs leh. Who wants to get treated like that sia? I will never forget you still SMS your mother say I coming to your house, and that I will only be in your room and won't dirty anything de. Like WHUT. Aunty please. 这样谁还敢来你家玩？Really is roll eyes max.

And just when you thought the problem is solved, suddenly, HELLO PLEASE WASH YOUR LEGS. LOL GAWD, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

Staying in comfort zone and not changing and not improving and being stagnant really runs in your whole family.

Now I know why it's so hard to get anything to even change at all.

I give up. -__-" Yup, I don't give a shit anymore. I'm not going to try to make anything better anymore. You are the bridge, but you don't do shit, so why should I worry and care so much? Ha ha. Waste of my time. I don't really care if me and your family don't forge a good relationship anymore. Lol, this is definitely not going to be a one sided shit.

[♥ clarice] danced at 7:41 PM

It's too late.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

I really wanted to go out. But not anymore I guess. It has taken way too long. YOU have taken way too long. It's 6.43pm. I'm fainting of hunger, tired from tears, but I guess noone cares enough to do more than a few messages over the phone.

It's too late. You're always too late.

[♥ clarice] danced at 6:45 PM

2.29pm - 6.40pm

And no, still nothing.

I'm so sick and tired of this. Everytime there's something wrong, it's just a few messages over the PHONE and constant waiting for nothing. When will something ever be done? When will any action ever be taken? It shouldn't even have taken this long.

It's always the phone the phone the phone, and only the phone. What am I??????

[♥ clarice] danced at 6:40 PM

No explanation

How can I explain it, why I myself don't even have an answer? Why am I this sad? Why am I crying? I honestly don't know. And each time, I just wish I can crawl back into the darkness where no one can find me. I don't want to answer. I don't want to explain. Because I can't.

I just want someone to come into the darkness and sit with me. But you're almost always only in the phone. Where are you when I needed you?

[♥ clarice] danced at 5:54 PM

How long has it been?

How long has it been, since we celebrated something? An anniversary, a Valentine's, a new year or a birthday? How long has it been, since the last special event that happened? How long has it been, since our hearts connected? In this digital age, we're always glued to our phones. Even when we're always right next to each other, everything feels so distant now.

Image result for poems about love that lost its sparks

Are these sparks, really not all that important anymore?
~~happy~~ new year

[♥ clarice] danced at 5:37 PM