I’m confused, bewildered. My soul’s hardly in me these days. What’s next, I kept asking myself. I just, can’t figure it out. Why?

She’s acting normally. How much longer can I take this? This pretence, this facade. I have to keep my cool, just like what she’s doing now. Somehow, the fact that she’s thinking tells me that there’s step two. Something’s brewing, but what. What, does she have up her sleeves. I can’t figure out the reason behind these. I wonder how long has this been going on and what made it start?

I’m gna have to plan my next move, consider causes and effect, pros and cons. Yeah, it may sound stupid ; but this might be my chance. After all, I’ve been there, done that and I’m not gna let self-pity take over.

This, is like fighting a battle in the dark. You don’t know when your opponent’s gna attack until you get hit. But getting hit once doesn’t mean I’ve lost. Because my opponent can’t see me either. I’m gna lie low, for now. Sometimes retreating doesn’t mean that you’re a coward. It just gives you more time to think, fighting blindly isn’t gna work.

I’ll always remember what he told me, about always being there for me. I’ll face it bravely, no more denials, no more lies. No matter what the outcome is, at least I can tell myself that I’ve tried, I’ve struggled, I’ve fought.

silent resilience;
clarice