Who else but me, would be the best person to understand this. The lack of communication cost me my happy family and a normal life. After all these years, why would I not understand where keeping quiet is going to lead us?

All of these years spent trying to act strong, facing every single problem, big or small, all alone. No matter how many times I tripped and fell, no matter how hurt or injured I was, I had to get back up on my feet all by myself. I didn’t allow myself to cry, didn’t allow myself to fall apart in front of them. Look where we are right now? It’s not that I wanted things to be this way..

Thinking back.. I don’t remember how we got here either. I don’t know when it started, but we stopped talking. I started building a wall around myself, didn’t wna let anyone in. I don’t talk to people, I don’t tell anyone anything.

If it were me in the past, I wouldn’t have said so much to you. I would have chose to be quiet and kept everything to myself. No matter what you say, I wouldn’t be spilling all these out. But I want our relationship to work out, I don’t wna destroy it. I don’t wna be a live repetition of my family all over again. You were the one who made me promise that we should speak out whatever’s in our minds. That’s why I’m trying so hard to change, to be a better me for you. If you didn’t know, it actually takes a lot of effort to speak my heart out. Sounds stupid, but for someone who has kept quiet for so many years? It’s become a habit, and I lost the ability to express myself freely. It would definitely have been easier to keep everything to myself, trust me.

I’m trying so hard to crawl out of my shell, but you’re not helping. You don’t practice what you preach.