Honestly speaking, I cannot calm down anymore. My heart is already so heavy, so torn and shattered. Just not long ago, we promised to work together so that we will become better. I didn’t even have time to heal my wounds, and now you’re driving me crazy again. How long more can I take this? I’m afraid one day I’ll just break down, and by then, nothing ; nothing you do is gna bring me back again. The person I am now will just disappear, forever.

Why? I really want to slap myself for being stupid. Again and again, these questions keep reappearing in my head. Why did I trust him, why did I believe him? Why am I so foolish?! I can’t control myself anymore. When emotions take over me, there’s no guarantee what I’d do to bring myself back, to release all these pain inside of me. It hurts, it really does. This pounding in my chest, it can’t stop. What can I do to make it go away.

It’s so painful that I forgot how to feel anything else anymore. I just want to kill myself for letting myself get hurt again. I need to do something, to make me feel real again.

我真的很累很累，真的很想转身走掉；因为你似乎不怕失去我。