I don’t know what else I can do, besides writing and writing and writing. There’s just too much emotion in me, too much I have to say. This time, it’s not because I don’t wanna tell you directly, it’s because I don’t have the right to anymore. I miss you, and I still will in the days to come as I foresee. Walk through everyday with a mask on my face, and as night falls, the piercing pain surfaces and all the thoughts that I’ve been trying so hard to shun will come running through my mind. I might try to pen down my emotions, or I’ll just cry myself silly.

I know it’s all pointless now. I stare at the mirror as my fingers run through those words carved on my skin, a constant reminder for me to live by. I’m not dead yet, but this is almost killing me. I have no idea how I’m gna survive this, it has never hurt this bad I swear. Maybe it’s because there are so many things left unfinished. Words… Questions… And that little bit left of my heart that still longs for you.

I wish I could tell you goodbye, smile and walk away, wish for the better of us, and just move on. There’s just something inside of me, something I really can’t explain, something that doesn’t allow me to go.

Thank you for your warm hugs, thank you for the many times that you waited for me to finish my dance and sending me home, thank you for buying stuff over to my house when I wanted them, thank you for making honey lemon for me when I was sick, thank you for worrying that I couldn’t cope with exams and dance, thank you for taking the time to coach me in my studies, thank you for making an extension cable for my iPhone so it would be more convenient for me, thank you for putting up with all my unstable emotions and mood swings, thank you for all the sweet little things you’ve done for me.

I wish I could still be holding you.