“Everyone wanted to believe that endless love was possible. She'd believed in it once too, back when she was eighteen. But she knew that love was messy, just like life. It took turns that people couldn't foresee or even understand, leaving a long trail of regret in its wake. And almost always, those regrets led to the kinds of what if questions that could never be answered.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Best of Me

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I have always loved the novels by Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook being my very favourite. The Best of Me, just like the rest of the novels, has once again captured my heart without fail.

This movie took me for a ride into the deepest layers of my memories. It seemed to have awaken something in me and unlocked beautiful memories that I’ve put away all together with some of the most painful ones. I’ve forgotten about the girl I used to be. I kept away these beautiful memories because I was too afraid that they would remind me of the painful ones. And it kinda resulted in something totally opposite of what I meant to do. I locked up those beautiful memories but never forgot about the painful ones because I was too conscious about them. Over time, I felt like all I could remember was pain. The sunshine and rainbows after the rain escaped from my memories, I forgot happiness, forgot what it was like to smile genuinely, forgot that once upon a time, I had to be very happy in order for it to hurt so much.

I guess over the years things just got worse. Because every time when I thought I have forgotten and moved on, I forget all the wrong things. Every time I try so hard to forget, I become so damn conscious about the pain that over time, I learnt how to fake smiles to convince myself that I am happy.

This show reminded me of the girl I used to be. Throwback to the time when we were sitting by the sea on the breakwater, I was throwing my head back in laughter listening to your silly jokes. The silliest conversations and pointless debates we would have, about everything so random people would think we’re crazy. It was simple and genuine, that very moment where we were lost in a world shared by only the two of us, basking in the sunlight and rays of happiness coming from within our hearts. I was undeniably, truly happy.

What happened to that girl?

Perhaps 20 years down the road, I’d see you again someday. And maybe, just maybe you could still make me laugh like you used to, and we could still talk like we’ve never left.